Andalusia ca. 711

"Now I'm old and I don't understand where I'm going."

Neva Dinova is playing at The Waiting Room in October. It's on a Friday so I'll likely be going. I would like to attend Neko Case and believe I will since the show starts at eight. Going to Okkervil River is looking to be questionable at best. Yeah, I doubt I'll be going to that show. It is on a Saturday, however. I don't know. Mr. 1986 is playing two final shows of which I will be attending both. Rumor has it Neil Young is coming to Omaha in November. That would be interesting. Shows. Oh shit, I was seriously thinking about going to see Sigur Ros at Red Rocks in September. I wonder if it's sold out. I'll have to check that out. The problem I'm having with every one of these shows is both excitement and motivation. I am RARELY excited about any concert anymore and I can RARELY get motivated to a) buy tickets and b) even if I have tickets, get motivated to actually drive to wherever the show is. I think that the only band that would get me SUPER excited to see would be Do Make Say Think. They are the best band in the world. Yeah, I said that. I'm thinking about going to see Broken Social Scene just so I can see the bass player of Do Make Say Think (as he is also in Broken Social Scene). That guy is awesome.

I'm only 23. I used to be a wild man. What happened to my hair? Fuck. I only get sad when I drink now. I'm only 23. I'm still looking ahead into what my life will become as opposed to looking back at what my life was. THAT is when you're supposed to get sad while drinking, and I think to a certain extent actually should. At this point I am more scared than anything. I am afraid of alcohol. I'm only 23. I don't remember how to interact on weekends without it though nor do I necessarily want to. I guess we'll see. I'm still scared. Tonight isn't going to be at my house so maybe that will help. I will have no easy out to escape to my room if something "bad" happens in my drunk eyes, although that hasn't stopped me before as some of my friends can attest to. It shouldn't be this much work, haha, but I'm too self aware to not concern myself over insignificant things that happen to me. I am very sensitive. I wouldn't say I'm the most sensitive of my friends (I think we all know who that is), but I have my moments. What am I talking about?

I found this drawing I did a few months ago in one of my training binders that I really like. It's a head of this person who looks like he should be a character is A Charlie Brown Christmas or something, the hair and such, but looks very dignified. There is a dialogue bubble coming from his lips that says, "GREECE!" Maybe I'll recreate it some day.

Frank O'Hara's poem, "Meditations in an Emergency" sums up the way I've been feeling lately in an exaggerated way:

"Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous (and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable list!), but one of these days there will be nothing left with which to venture forth.

Why should I share you? Why don't you get rid of someone else for a change?

I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love.

Even trees understand me! Good heavens, I lie under them, too, don't I? I'm just like a pile of leaves."

LOVE! There is nothing wrong with it.
"Love is simple."